Pitch for THE ROOM

This is my pitch for the best video game ever. Based on THE ROOM:

Play through 6 increasingly mundane levels as you struggle to understand life. Set against the scenic green screen of San Francisco can you collect all the spoon power ups to attend Johnny's birthday party before it tears him apart? With four playable characters:

Lisa: With your red dress and rose petals can you keep your affair with Johnny's best friend a secret? Collect all the scotchka bonus glasses or face sitting on an atomic bomb that's waiting to go off.

Denny: Evade Chris-R while you try to collect eggs, flour, milk and butter to make “brownies” for the party. Steal shoes for a speed boost and avoid eating any poisoned apples. Power Word: OH HAI.

Silk Shirt Guy: Who the fuck are you? Will you find out in time to crash the birthday? Or will your lack of character name tear the group of friends apart?

Mark: Can you use your own brand of Sestosterone to keep your friendship with Lisa and Johnny alive? Special weapons include magic box and moving lighter and patented “baby face.”

ENEMIES: Chris-R: He wants. His fucking. MONEY.

Claudette: She has breast cancer. Can you avoid her sage advice long enough to make her do the dishes after Johnny's party?

Michelle: She looks like a normal person? What is she doing in this game? Beware, she'll help you move coffee tables, but she's wicked fast with a pillow.

Can you make it to the shocking ending? Will Johnny's party be a success? Did you use good thinking and invite all his friends? And what will become of them, in THE ROOM.